Lab Module 3: Sniglets and Reframing

Part 1: Seeing and Defining Something: Sniglets

Screenout /skreen/out/- n. Any electrical monitor that has been glared by the sun or a light source.

Genesmack /jeen/smak/- n. When your child is doing something annoying and you realize that you used to do the same thing as a child.

Windabstainer /wahynd/ab/stey/ner/- n. When daylight savings occurs and you don’t bother to change the clock.

Part 2: What’s the Problem Really? Reconsidering and Reframing

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My parenting technique with my daughter was not working.  She is strong-willed and stubborn. She is 4-years old.  This has been the case since the age of two.  I remember when I tried using the choice technique……  “Would you rather take your bath now or after dinner?”  She would reply, “I want to take my bath tomorrow.”   There were many battles but the one I will always remember is the tantrum at Target.  I was at the check-out and my daughter found a toy in the shelf next to the cashier.  I told her, “Not today.”  She then proceeded to throw the biggest tantrum I have ever witnessed.

Before this tantrum, I had read as many books as I could find.  I also was taking Love and Logic courses.  I wanted to know, “What was wrong with her?”  “How could I change her?”  The revelation that I found, through the course work, was….it’s not her, it’s me.  I was trying to change my daughter to fit my expectations.  I needed to change my techniques to be a better parent.  I found out that I had the same strong-willed personality and stubbornness. (My parents were loving this!)   So back to the Target tantrum….I had learned in my class a new technique. As I carried her screaming out the door, I calmly buckled her into her carseat, as she fought me.  I drove right to Dunkin Donuts and ordered myself, a much deserved, coffee.  Now one thing that my daughter knew was that I always let her have a munchkin donut.  As I drove up to the drive-thru window, she stopped crying and asked for a donut.  I calmly said, “I give donuts to kids who are good at the store.”  She nodded and was quiet the whole drive home.  She has not thrown a tantrum since! (ok maybe not like the Target tantrum)

What I learned from my daughter was that I was looking at the situation and only coming up with solutions based on her.  The Love and Logic course showed me that I needed to look at myself.  I had to see the situation from a different perspective in order to be a better parent.  I had defined the problem as “What is wrong with my daughter” instead of “What am I doing wrong?”  I was too involved to be able to step outside the problem to find a new solution.  By taking the course I was able to see it in a new perspective.

I discovered that I also approached my Problem of Practice in the same way.  I was looking at it from only my perspective.  I was trying to solve the problem from my own experience.  What I found through CEP 817 and my research is that there were different perspectives and different approaches.  I couldn’t believe what I found by stepping back and looking at the big picture.  When solving problems we need to step back and look at it in different ways and sometimes with the help of others.

Christina

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